Dear Ana…

It’s been a month since you were taken away from us so suddenly.  I wish I could say it has gotten easier to move on…but I find myself thinking of you so much.  When I am walking along the beach, when I am on the train to school, or even during my clases particulares with Juan, ahem I mean John, when he gets so excited about English (heck, it happens in all of my classes with our students).  Sometimes I can just smile and send you a lot of love, other times I find myself so so so sad that you aren’t here with me.  I know we just met in October, but instantly you made it clear you were going to be my “spanish mom” and there were no questions about it.  You took me under your wing and made sure I was taken care of.  Honestly Ana, I don’t know what I would have done without you.  I’m now realizing how much you did for me now that you are gone.  There are no words I can put here that even begin to cover how grateful I am for you and what you did for me.  You have probably been watching me struggling with small issues with my bank, dealing with school problems, being sick without my mom or you to take care of me, and of course boy problems.  All I can ask from you now is to just guide me from above and make sure I am enjoying every minute of my life.

There isn’t anything I can do to change what has happened, but I do wish I could have done something, just something that would have maybe changed the outcome.  All I can do now is make sure to live everyday as you would have: care free.  I can only hope to bring the world as much joy and laughter as you did.  I am working hard everyday to spread my passion for teaching just as you have done.  I should mention that when I ask our students “Who is your favorite teacher?” they always respond with Miss Ana and Miss Amy.  I can’t even begin to explain how amazing it feels to be included alongside with you (even if it’s a bunch of 9 year olds…).

There is a silver lining to all of this: I finally met your amazing niece, Cristina, and we hit it off instantly just like you said. You should be so proud of her and how much you have helped her in becoming the great person she is.  She is struggling too, but she knows that you are with her every step of the way.  She told me at your memorial that even though you’re not here in bodily form, your spirit is still so alive.  She is right Ana, your spirit is everywhere.  For me, you are in the sunshine and in the smiles and laughter of our students. We are making plans to visit each other while I am in Madrid.  I suggested we go to the infamous discoteca of Mario and Alaska…ha.

In short Ana, I really really miss you.  I miss you every morning when I get to school and you aren’t in the sala de professores.  I miss you every time I pass your apartment building and I have to try to ignore what happened there.  I miss not being able to message you with a problem (or to complain…) and you instantly responding that the solution to my problem is cerveza, vino, o el mejor cafe con leche y churros. I miss your crazy stories at recreo that push me to live a on the wild side every once and awhile (let’s be real, everyday). I just miss your happiness and laughter.

I know we will meet again in the future.  Until then know that I will be dancing a little bit crazy and living care free in memory of you:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Jdv8UtYVNI

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One thought on “Dear Ana…

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